No Baby? No Problem!

Usually, it takes me until my first cup of coffee is finished to be completely offended. Today, it took exactly the length of time to read the following 2 paragraphs:

“Women are programmed to be caregivers and nurturers. Give my girls a couple of dolls, and one will be the mom the other will be the daughter, frequently disregarding the obvious gender of the doll. Before a woman becomes a mother, she will coo over her friend’s newborn; and in that lilting, high-pitched voice say, “Oh, I want one.”

 Give a boy child a couple of dolls, and they are liable to decapitate, dismember, or bury it. Prior to fatherhood, most men dread a baby. Responses I have heard include “It smells”, “It’s noisy”, and “Don’t hand it to me. I’ll drop it and break it.” Men are programmed with single-syllabic functions that run along the lines of “hunt, kill, eat, mate, sleep.”  Their responses are biologically simple.”

Seriously? I’d like to sweep the comments under the musings of an uneducated Neolithic person. Unfortunately, I attended college with the writer.  In full as much disclosure as I want over the internet, I will say I attended Hollins College (now university) which is a women’s university (ok, that sounds dumb, another reason I’m still against the name change) in Virginia.  Funnier yet? The last time I spoke with the writer, she was on this “empowered female” tirade. One more time: we do not get equality by belittlement. 

Normally, I’d smile and nod at something this horrifically stupid but I am SO OVER my “fulfillment” as a woman needing to include a child, that a man cannot be more pro-child than a woman, and this feckless idea that all women coo that I might just scream. Literally.

Let me be clear: I’ve NEVER wanted a child. I would not be a good parent, I don’t particularly care for the newborn of the species and I really only like kids once they are interactive. In a now infamous moment, I once tried to bribe my then 4 month old niece into taking a bottle by offering her a horse, a car and a college education: to quote my sister “only my sister would try to bribe an infant”.

The writer continues, “He [brother in law] devoted himself to them with the haphazard parenting that men excel at: half dangerous, half clueless, and frequently mitigated by my sister without him being aware of it. “ REALLY? Men cannot be responsible parents? Can only parent when subjugated to the manipulations of a woman and are too stupid to realize it?

I am simply stunned that in 2010, a woman stoops to such a level as to belittle men. I know gay male couples who joyously embrace parenting – or is that a façade? I know people of different ethnicities, sexual orientations, socio-economic status who do or do not want to parent. It has never been as simple as “It is because person X is a male/female”.  Nobody should be forced to parent when they do not want to: we know how to prevent pregnancy. A couple is as complete without a child by choice as one is who makes the choice to have a child. A child cannot complete a couple and to think so is dangerous. Marriages are hard enough before you add the strains of parenting. Having a child to “save” a marriage is as brilliant of an idea as well, mixing gasoline and a match. 

My 5 year old nephew asked for a baby sister for his birthday. But I suppose that shouldn’t count: his father is an amazing parent as is his uncle.   And neither of those two acts in a “half-clueless” manner; and neither are manipulated into parenting by their wives.  I wish the writer was so enlightened.

There are times after having fun with my nieces and nephews; I float the “what if” but it is quickly quashed: it is the remarkable co-parenting by my siblings and their spouses that gave me wonderfully inquisitive, interactive nieces and nephews.  I know I do not posses that skill set. I know that I do not want to parent. I was the girl that gave her sister the dolls and found a baseball instead. I am insulted – by extension – that there must be something wrong with me for not wanting a child.

 My only hope is that since the posting was on 4/1 it was an attempt to be a “funny” April Fool’s Day posting. But then again, if an idea of humor is by minimization of another, well, that is not funny either.


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